One of the young girls I use to work with is coming to visit tomorrow. When we worked together we grew very close, so this visit is much anticipated. Even more so because we are going to have a Spiritual Sunday. I came up with the idea after she had asked me for tips on how to become more spiritual. I wondered how to go about giving her a spiritual instruction manual. I gave her a few names and books to check out and started to think about how everyone has a completely different path to spirit. I figured the best plan of action would be to let her peruse my collection of books, crystals, oracle & tarot cards and pick my brain in person. Viola, Spiritual Sunday was born. This whole situation made me try to find the moment I ‘became spiritual.’ As silly as that sounds I can actually locate a period in my life when my spiritual growth accelerated. I can also see how many little seeds planted along the way allowed for that growth to unfold so rapidly.
Let’s start at the beginning. My earliest memories around spirituality and religion start at my Seventh Day Adventist school in first grade. I loved writing bible verses on the paper adorned with border images that I could color. Then by third grade I was in a regular public school. Still I took part in Religious Release program, you know where the holy kids get to go to a trailer parked outside the school for a bit an learn about God while all the other kids are stuck in the classroom. Do they still do that program? Sounds so creepy when I look back on it. My mom attempted to make us regulars at the local Vineyard Christian church. Sometimes I enjoyed attending. I liked the music mostly. I went to Sunday school, went through the motions, learned the stories, accepted Jesus into my heart as my only true lord and savior, and watched The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe a bunch of times. By the time I was in middle school and old enough to stay home on my own I opted out of church unless it was a holiday. God, Jesus and The Narnia series took a back seat while I focused on getting through the turmoil of high school.
Then high school ended, independence came and depression hit big time. I remember crying in my room staring at a single candle flame flicker in the darkness. During that night I realized that even though I had been baptized, accepted Jesus into my heart, I didn’t understand any of it. I was too young to understand it. I did it because we were told to do it so we can go to heaven. But at 18 I didn’t give a flying fuck about heaven I want peace in the here and now. I wanted love. I wanted a savior. That is when I started to go to church, to seek God and religion in a whole new way. Shortly after this revelation I met a young man. He was dark, handsome and he had a WWJD keychain. I found my Good Christian Boy. Together we forged on our holy path. It was at the same time that my mother was really getting into Unitarian church. I remember passing by her one evening as she read Autobiography of a Yogi. Now that I was saved and spiritual, I felt it was only right to let her know she would be going to hell for that. She quickly put me in my place, as best she could, reminding me that I had no idea what that book was actually about (I didn’t) and exclaimed that she loves Jesus and knows more about him than I did. She soon after took me to the famous Agape Spiritual Center to get an idea of what she believed in. I didn’t really get it, I wasn’t willing to let go of my dogma, but I could see nothing wrong with it. Lesson one in acceptance, seeds planted.
I kept on trucking to church. This time it was fun. I got to dress up, sing, see my friends and go eat with them afterward. I developed a very strong friendship with a girl I knew from High School. We would hang out at school, after school and on the weekends. We would show up to church on Sunday morning after drinking ourselves into oblivion two days before. I wasn’t stupid enough to go to church hung over, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do stupid things at with my church acquaintances. I remember being on a “break” with my Good Christian Boyfriend whom I fought with on a weekly basis, and hooking up with another nice boy from church, whose girlfriend was conveniently out of the country. My relationship at that time is a whole other blog post. Point is my most rebellious, ugly and destructive time in my life was when I was a born-again Christian.
a photo from the new years that I will never forget
Fast forward a few years. I’ve moved with my mom to the Valley. I’m about two hours away from my friends. I attempt to find a new church, but never do. I work, I go to school, I see my boyfriend……I’m pregnant. I will never forget new years eve of 2004. My buddies and I took a trip to Vegas. I was 21, most of them weren’t. We used the bathtub as a cooler, got drunk in our room, went out to the strip, I was almost kidnapped, went back to the room, called my same Good Christian Boyfriend that I had broken up with and cried that I missed him. I woke up with the worst and last hangover of my life. Flew back home, rekindled the romance and ended up pregnant. Goodbye partying, hello motherhood. Seed planted, literally.
I was still living with my mom for the first six months of my pregnancy. At this point she was deep into transcendental meditation or TM and visiting the Hindu temple quite often. Actually I found out that I was pregnant as she was flying to India for the first time. At this point I didn’t care. Who was I to judge? But she wanted to protect me and her new grandchild so her boyfriend lovingly thought me TM. I went through a little initiation of sorts, was given my own personal mantra and was taught how to meditate. It was such a powerful experience that I threw up, and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t morning sickness. I started to practice but it fell away as I moved in with Good Christian Boyfriend- now Baby Daddy. He wasn’t too cool with the meditation stuff. He never understood it, freaks him out. Besides I had other things to focus on.
It wasn’t until I was broken up with baby daddy, for good, for the first time in 7 years. I started dating a young guy that was into the types of things I was getting into. I wanted to be healthier, I wanted to go vegan and start working out. I wanted to do this because I had a spunky two year old at home that needed me to keep up with him and not collapse on the couch in a coma every night. On one of my first dates with the young guy we went to Planet Raw in Santa Monica. After the meal we strolled down to the promenade and I felt high! I was experiencing the raw high the hippies talk about. We were sold. And THAT was the big catalyst. Raw food was my catalyst for spiritual growth. As I began to change my eating habits everything in my life changed. It was like veils were lifted from my eyes and I could see so many things clearly. I had a desire to strip away the old and unnatural and become more one with the Earth. Young guy and I started to hang out at the local raw food restaurant, met like minded people, spent more time in nature, started to check out spiritual bookstores and the like. This is also the time when The Secret and Eckhart Tolle became really popular. I read The Power of Now, started identifying my ego and started to meditate again. One day while perusing pictures on Facebook I came across a video of a retreat in Eden, Arizona. It was a retreat run by Journeys for the Soul and I was mesmerized by it. I wanted to take my soul on a journey, plus it was a raw food retreat. Perfect! Synchronistically soon after I found myself at my raw food hangout meeting the creator of this retreat and handing me a flyer. She said something esoteric like “when Eden calls you, you know it.” And so young boyfriend and I registered, packed our camping gear and headed out to the middle of nowhere in Arizona. Throughout the week I swam in natural hot springs, learned how to be naked in front of other people- and loved it, ate wonderful raw food, did a healing dance workshop, was introduced to and blown away by tarot and oracle cards, met amazing new friends, participated in a sweat lodge, sought out spiritual counseling, got my first reiki treatment without really even knowing what it was, and got my first colonic! I returned home with a resistance toward clothing and running full speed into my spiritual development. I bought my first tarot cards and started to study tarot heavily. I had shifted.
this kid changed everything
raw chocolates with my spiritual buddies
When I finally moved out on my own I found myself creating my own sacred space. Oddly enough I was living in a place that I didn’t really want to live in, but I realized that there was a very precise reason why I was there. It felt like it happened in an split second, but somehow I decided to look into energy healing, I found a teacher 5 minutes from me, I signed up immediately without second guessing. I ended up getting a one-on-one training and Reiki I attunement with my wonderful teacher Kimberly Rinaldi. After that day I was at her house nearly every weekend, learning something new. It was that growth and learning that helped me gain confidence, strength, wisdom and the self love needed to call forth my twin flame.
reiki homework-bending spoon
Now I’ve started to create a new sacred space of love with my love and my son. Now I live in the area I’ve always dreamt of living. I’m living the life I’ve asked for. I’ve broken free from fear and am stepping fully into faith. My journey continues and I will continue to share it with you as I feel it is now my path to share and teach.